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Saturday, 16 May 2020

Our Weekend Insight: Before You Lose Your Child, You Have Already Lost Them.

A dithyrambic Entreat to Guardians and Parents.

The above mentioned topic in view looks unintelligible and very hard to decipher on the surface level. Should that be the case I'd suggest you should probably calm your nerves down and take a slight pause to think it over.
It is noteworthy that a lot of parents claimed to know their children yet they don't know them. Some parents would give you the full description of what their children looks like (I.e outward appearance) or physique of their children, their best foods, favourite colours, favorite television shows, best school subjects, best friend's names, pets  and other basic things. It is a pitiful thing that some parents don't even know the basics of what their children likes or admires. A large percentage of children in the world today are being led astray due to environmental and peer influence while some are taken aback by suicidal thoughts, drug deals, while some would even start smoking right under your roof and you might not even notice. When people hear of the word depression or rather depressed children, the hard wire in the brain of such a one would be like "really, but these are just kids anyway, what in the world could have possibly make them feel depressed? They have parents at home to talk to and teachers at schools." Let me quickly remind you that this isn't because these children are not from a good loving and homely family neither because the children had been keeping bad company lately nor they do not have a solid foundation with their parents. The oxymoron of this matter is that even a so called perfect child can be depressed and you may not know.
The reasons for depression includes the Following:

(1)   Pressure from parents and trying to live up to expectations. 

(2)  Preference and comparison of Children. 

Apparently, it is a thing of great joy for every parents in the world to want the best out of their children and while trying to accomplish that, they should always try to understand the difference between "pressuring through the act of force and encouraging using soft words" when you force your child into something without the sole interest of the child, you make it a do-or-die affair, your child starts to think irrationally in a one way direction but if you encourage them, they would always want to do better and never give up. Parents should learn not to mount pressure on their children, when a child whose parents are fond of boasting about him or her falls back academically, the child would start to see him/herself as a disappointment and could easily fall into depression especially if you scold them so bad. It would make them to start thinking like "oh well, I already messed things up, what's there for me to lose, I'm already a disappointment".
As parents, If your children do well, praise and reward them, motivate and encourage them to do better than they have done. If they do well or not, always assure them that  "the calmest sea doesn't make the best sailors". Sometimes  in life, one has to go through rough patches. This patches must not be allowed to break us down but to make us feel stronger and prepared for what's to come. The road to success is always rough but when one is determined, one would overcome them. Teach them there can't be success without failures but they shouldn't let failure define them. Parents should endeavour to not too place too much pressure on their children because that Slip of tongue is all it would take to fall into depression. The mistake most people make is addressing these Slips as "little" and unworthy forgetting the latter effect of these little wrongs. These Slips regarded as little  is mightier and bigger than the universe a large itself. 

Take for instance, parent A and B would compare their children to C and D who are considered intelligent, well behaved, courteous, Godly, wealthy and neat. On the other hand, parent C and D whose family is both the envy and picture perfect for other families would secretly and privately compare their  children to that of A and B respectively. Why? Because they see the children of A and B as contented and calm. What the two categories of parents doesn't seem to understand is that there's no perfect person.  You can only work on your children's vulnerabilities and make them better rather than doing unnecessary comparisons. Comparing your children would only break and destroy their self-esteem. Every child has both bright and bad sides and any type of comparison should be eradicated from the existing parental norms. Individual differences should be embraced and weaknesses should be worked on. Children should therefore be encouraged to become better people in the society they find themselves. In addition,  preference of one child over another also tends to break them down into pieces to the extent the child would start feeling that he or she can never be enough and on the long run, such a child might try even too hard to impress the parent and if they don't get appreciated or valued they begin to think they don't matter anymore. They couldn't care less about what anyone thinks about them not even their parents. Most African parents are guilty of this. I totally agree that it's not possible to ever love two persons equally but we all should learn how to keep our feelings on check. Open preferences must be avoided at all costs. Infact, your children must not be able to tell which of them is your favourite. When you tell your children not to do something,  make them understand your reasons why that thing is wrong, avoid being a hyper aggressive and authoritative parent. If you keep telling your children No!,No! without giving them candid reasons behind your saying No, a time would eventually come when they'd start doing things behind you.



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